sometimes what you fear most is what you need

Today I went to the seminar. I was scared of being asked questions about how I was doing. Shelley had emailed mike to let him know why I had been absent and that really was the reason I built the confidence to go. As soon as the class began we were called into a circle and asked to explain how our project was going. When it got to me I had nothing to say. I would have lied but I just couldn’t think of a lie because I’d been worrying. So I just said that I had depression and that had just had a really bad episode and was trying to get back on top of my work. I would never have expected that I would ever do something like that. I don’t tell people I know let alone a group of people I barely know. At first it freaked me out but as the day went on I felt better and better about. By the end of the day I couldn’t stop smiling, I felt so liberated by it. It is a moment I won’t forget. I now feel I can do this course and make this film to the best of my ability.

Also in this session I explained to the group what I wanted to make my film about and a girl from the class said she was from the atheist society and would talk to those in it to see if they would like to help me. I will email her as soon as I have a more specific idea of what I’m doing.

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